Katie Britt's Fundie Baby Voice Just SICK About Little Liam, Bless His Heart!
Katie Britt is total garbage, and so is this Confederate-Mommy-washing piece about her in the New York Times.
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I can’t remember if I’ve discussed Alabama GOP Senator Katie Britt’s Fundie Baby Voice on the Moral High Ground yet, but I sure have on Wonkette.
It became a topic of discussion in 2024 when Britt gave that absolutely bizarre response to Joe Biden’s last State of the Union, wherein she sat in her darkened kitchen and whispered a message, aimed mostly at other conservative Christian wives, that could have served as a voiceover for Birth Of A Nation.
The content: vile racist fearmongering words about white women being murdered and/or raped by big scary minority men, in this case undocumented immigrants and cartels.
The delivery: sweet, dulcet “Blessed are the meek” tones, submissive, quiet, just opening up to y’all, speaking what’s on her heart, what she’s been praying on lately, during her Quiet Times. (If you know, you know.)
Is there something inherently more horrible about sexual violence and murder when it’s committed by people who are Latino, or in the United States illegally? One would think not, unless one was a gigantic racist, but again, I referenced Birth of a Nation, because this tactic has been working on pantshitting scared white conservatives since, well, the birth of this whole entire nation. (And before!)
So white Republicans name bills after white women who are victims of such crimes, not because they care about the victims really, but because they’re racist and they want you to be racist too. It helps further their xenophobic agenda, helps bring people onside to the atrocities they want to commit. It also gives their voters some good old Soviet-style whataboutism to scream in comments sections when somebody is, say, expressing moral outrage over Donald Trump’s ICE thugs murdering innocent people in the streets.
“WHAR’S YOUR CANDLELIIIIIGHT VIGIL FOR LAAAAAAAKEN RIIIIIIILEY?” they demand to know. (Guess who was the primary sponsor of that bill?)
But anyway, the Fundie Baby Voice, and Katie Britt’s deployment of it.
It’s a fraught subject, especially coming from me, a white guy who grew up in the conservative Christian church. On one hand, it’s an outward sign of those religious communities’ subjugation of women, the way women are taught to be seen and not heard, submissive in all things, obedient, meek, mild, childlike. It’s passed down through generations of women, in ways subtle and explicit, father and pastor to daughter, but also grandmother and mother to daughter.
But many conservative Christian women are also well-known for wielding that particular tool of subjugation as a weapon against those less powerful, which is why I refer to Katie Britt’s deployment of it. When people say things like “There’s no hate like Christian love,” the hate they’re referring to has very often been delivered in that Fundie Baby Voice. LGBTQ+ people who have been condemned to hell by people they trusted often have received that excommunication via at least one Fundie Baby Voice. (Jess Piper posted a widely read/watched thing on the phenomenon, as the owner of one of those voices she says she still can’t shake to this day.)
Fact is, Katie Britt is one of those who turns hers on and off, depending on the audience. It’s very very Alabama sorority woman-turned-lawyer of her, which makes sense, as she was a Chi O who did her undergrad and her J.D. from the University of Alabama. (See unrelated sidenote* at the bottom of this piece for a mostly unrelated thing about this!)
All of this came to mind when I saw this fucking awful bullshit article in the New York Times about how Katie Britt is Not Like All Those Other Monster Republicans, because you know why? Because she just can’t stop thinking about poor sweet Liam, the innocent boy in the blue hat and the Spider-Man backpack ICE used as bait and kidnapped! Y’all, it’s just breaking her heart!
Look at this shit:
Cue Fundie Baby Voice:
“Y’all, I can’t stop thinkin’ about hiiiiiiim!
“He’s just been on my heart ever since I saw hiiiiiiim!
“I didn’t do anything to help hiiiiiiiim, but y’alllll!”
Yeah, oh my fucking God.
OK so y’all, let me summarize what happens in this article so you don’t have to read the entire damn thing.
You see, Katie Britt? Well, she was at the orthodontist with one of her kids, Wallace Grace or Battleshyp or one of the other ones, and she saw that picture of Liam, and y’all, it just hit her right there in her heart. I mean, y’all, she’s a mom, how could it not?
It disturbed her! They were sayin’ they used him as bait! Who could have predicted something like this could happen in Americaaaaa?
Howwwwwwww? Could itttttt?
And y’all look, Katie Britt doesn’t just support everything Donald Trump does, I mean she always votes in lockstep with the party, but sometimes she’s concerned about stuff, OK? Like maaaaaaybe Donald Trump shouldn’t invade Greenland or whatever? Or cut all the cancer research funding?
Anyway, so the New York Times did a bunch of interviews with Katie Britt and typed many paragraphs about how she is totally a loyal MAGA soldier in public, but sometimes she quietly, behind the scenes, tries to make the Trump regime a little bit less Nazi (my words, not any of theirs, obviously). Please write in the newspaper that she’s trying, OK? Hashtag 2028!
It’s not that Katie Britt doesn’t support Trump’s Nazi Jim Crow slave-catching immigrant-kidnapping and human-trafficking operation, she totally does, y’all:
Over the next week, in her role overseeing congressional funding for the Department of Homeland Security, she will help lead negotiations over whether to impose new guardrails on federal immigration agents. Ms. Britt has been fiercely supportive of Mr. Trump’s immigration crackdown, opposing Democratic demands for changes despite personal qualms about certain events.
Personal qualms. About certain events.
Like poor Liam!
Oh, bless that sweet little boy’s face, she could just eat him up!
The day Katie Britt found out about Liam, she read The Hungry Little Caterpillar for a photo-op with some other children in Alabama, and they weren’t white either, and she said to the cameras with a straight face: “We are the party of parents, the party of families.” She added, “President Trump has led the way on that,” said Britt, about the breakout star of the Epstein Files.
But she just couldn’t stop thinking about Liam!
Did we mention Katie Britt this very week called Democrats’ demands for reforms to ICE — like “no masks” and “stop racial profiling” and requiring judicial warrants, which we used to just call following the current fucking law — a “ridiculous Christmas list”?
But Liammmmmmmmmmmm! Mommy can’t stop thinking about LIAMMMMMMMMMM!
At this point the New York Times pivots to discuss how Katie Britt reads the Bible every day at 5:00 a.m., which is so great, but we guess she’s missed all those thousands of verses about the poor, immigrants, about not acting like a heartless Nazi piece of shit toward “the least of these.”
Or maybe she’s read those verses, just not with the type of prayerful reflection that would allow the Holy Spirit to find time in Britt’s Conservative Mommy Senator schedule to intervene and clue her in about who the fuck is the hero and who the fuck is the villain in all those parables Jesus was always telling.
“Too often we don’t fall back on this,” says Britt, about her rusty-trusty Bible, which is apparently covered in pink and purple highlighter from when she was a holier-than-thou Bible-beater-in-training. “And I think you have to.”
(Maybe she uses it as a doorstop. Or as a crutch.)
After that, there’s a whole lot of biographical bullshit and bullshit about how she’s so nice to people and how she visited John Fetterman in the hospital — Fundie Baby Voice vignettes, all — and how she was just, like, really upset when everybody hated her State of the Union response, bless her heart.
And it does sound like once in a while, she is able to do something halfway dedent behind the scenes. For instance, she was reportedly instrumental in getting Donald Trump to get up the Alabama legislature’s ass for banning IVF. It sounds like she’s done a couple other things in private that could be called “good,” while voting for Trump’s racist, fascist, xenophobic, Nazi agenda 100 percent of the time. Congrats.
But back to that day with Liam!
Y’all, that hat! She was gonna call Kristi Noem about it. Kristi Noem’s a mom, and with the exception of the cuddly animals Noem has blown the heads off of, they’re probably just alike! So if Kristi Noem said they really used that little boy as a pawn, that’d be a sin, and Katie Britt might have to think about speaking up about one little thing, behind closed doors of course!
So they talked on the phone, and you know what? Kristi Noem lied to her and said they didn’t use Liam as a pawn. That was enough to keep Katie Britt’s latest moral compass from inadvertently activating! She repeated Kristi Noem’s lie dutifully.
Take that, moral compass! WhiteyBeth McBirthOfANation wins again!
“Thank you so much,” Ms. Britt recalled saying to Ms. Noem. “This is so helpful to hear.”
Under His eye!
Ms. Britt was already thinking through what she would say to people who asked about the incident: She would tell them that she had talked directly to the secretary and learned the facts.
Did it matter that information kept coming out proving that Noem was lying? Did that deter Katie Britt and her Fundie Baby Voice? Nah.
But y’all, you have to understand what was in her heaaaaaaart. She was sitting in the chair where she reads her dog-eared Bible and identifies with the wrong characters in the stories, and she looked at that New York Times reporter, and she said:
“I said I was going to run for the Senate to be a voice for the voiceless,” she said. “And I mean it.”
Ms. Britt had tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just keep thinking about that child.”
Oh my fucking God, shut up.
The New York Times story ends with the aftermath of the Alex Pretti murder at the hands of ICE, and the righteous-fire-breathing ruling that released Liam and his father from the concentration camp where he was being held.
How did she feel about the Pretti murder? “I’m sad for our country,” she said. (Fundie baby voice.)
That ruling from US District Judge Fred Biery ended with the citation of two Bible verses we guess Katie Britt applies selectively. Matthew 19:14, which says, “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’” And then there was John 11:35: “Jesus wept.” With that picture.
Y’all, Katie Britt had been thinking about Liam all week. All the feels! You know how it is. Look, it says right here in the last few grafs of the Times piece:
Ms. Britt had been thinking about the boy all week. She’d asked her staff to keep her updated on his health and the status of his case, she said, aware that he and his father had been sent to a Texas detention center to await news of their future.
But when she delivered a speech on the Senate floor, Ms. Britt spoke instead of Ms. Riley, the student killed by an undocumented immigrant.
“The most dangerous thing that we have seen is the Biden administration letting countless numbers of individuals illegally enter our country,” she said. “We need more immigration enforcement.”
Asked if she was happy to learn that Liam had been released, Ms. Britt dodged the question, then challenged the notion that it should be an easy question to answer.
“It is and it isn’t,” she said.
“Look, I believe in the law,” she reiterated again and again. “I believe in the enforcement of the law.”
Fuck you, Katie Britt, you vile, snake-tongued, Fundie-Baby-Voiced piece of shit.
That’s the punchline of the whole piece. The headline, about how Katie Britt can’t stop thinking about this sweet boy, then one million words about how she always is calling Donald Trump to make him act like a tiny bit less of a demon, how a few Democratic senators like Chris Coons and John Fetterman just love her, she’s a kinder, gentler sort of Confederate wife, about how she just can’t put that tattered and torn Bible down!
And then, in approximately the 81st fucking paragraph, spoiler alert, Katie Britt, Renegade Jesus Bible Mommy Senator With A Heart Of Gold, goes on the Senate floor and gives another one of her fucking Birth of a Nation speeches about Laken Riley.
And then she tries to suggest there’s some kind of moral gray area over whether Trump and Noem and Stephen Miller and J.D. Vance should be using little babies as pawns in their Nazi crusade to violently kidnap adults and children and human traffic them to God knows where. You know, because “the law.”
The end!
Katie Britt can go fuck herself, and so can the New York Times with this Nazi-washing or Confederate-Mommy-washing or whatever the hell you want to call this.
These people are absolute monsters.
*(UNRELATED SIDE NOTE that doesn’t have shit to do with anything, except that I own this newsletter, so allow me to Southern-splain something real quick: Remember when people were arguing about whether Parker Posey’s accent on The White Lotus was truly Southern, and if so, what exact region of the South was it supposed to represent? Katie Britt is a good example of how Posey’s accent was exactly correct, and it doesn’t matter whether you’re from Laurel, Mississippi, as Posey is, or Enterprise, Alabama, as Britt is, or North Carolina or South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee or North Florida. Because for the uninitiated, that accent is specific to southern white women of a certain social class, and it is disseminated largely through attendance at SEC schools, and specifically membership in certain sororities. They might not have it when they go in, but they sure’s hell have it when they come out.)
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-Evan
As much as I hate Dipshit (my name for "president" trump), I hate her, and other fake Christians like Maga Mike, even more. They are why Gandhi said, "I like your Christ, but I don't like your Christians," or something similar.
I've read all these reports about how Senator Jasmine Crockett actually visited Liam at the detention center.
But I guess there must have been a mix up about senators???
Surely the senator who visited that little boy being so cruelly held in ICE custody MUST have been Senator Katie Britt of the Overwhelming Concern????