Weird MAGA Crybabies Take Gold In Snot-Sobbing All Over The Olympics
Just kidding, losers. No medals awarded, only participation trophies.
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OK let’s talk about the Olympic-level rage-bawling MAGA Christian weirdos have been having over the Olympics.
(Audio version of this post for paying subscribers HERE!)
If getting triggered into toddler-decibel meltdowns over things that have absolutely nothing to do with you — and never will — was an Olympic event, MAGA Christian Republican creepers might actually come in first place at something.
There was no way I wasn’t going to write about the Paris Olympics this week. I am an absolute Olympics freak, and when it’s Olympics time, the TV doesn’t go off. I watch every event, and at least for that period of time, the event I’m watching becomes my favorite sport of all time.
If you live in Tennessee where I live, and you watch the Olympics, then you will likely see that batshit weirdo Tennessee GOP Sen. Marsha Blackburn is running ads for re-election, starring Riley Gaines. Gaines is the former swimmer who turned into a permanent wingnut welfare recipient after she tied for fifth place in college in an NCAA championship with a transgender swimmer named Lia Thomas, and Thomas got more credit for it than she did. Thus began her crusade against transgender women being allowed to play sports, and against trans people in general.
What, you thought there might be something more traumatic in Gaines’s origin story? Ha ha, you are silly.
Gaines has turned that experience into a full-time grift-show. She was at the Republican National Convention, grifting. She’s always on Fox News, grifting. She runs around the country demonizing and inciting hatred and harassment against trans people. She wrote a book, for grifting purposes. I think she was planning to go to dental school or something, but she decided this roving clownshow was more important than helping people maintain healthy teeth and gums.
She’s a real piece of shit. Here’s the hate-inciting ad:
What’s jarring is watching that ad during Olympic women’s swimming championship events. There is not one trans woman athlete at this year’s Olympics, according to Charlotte Clymer. But regardless, all these women are in the pool, achieving great things, winning medals, and not one of them is chasing cameras to bellyache about trans people. They’re too busy making dreams come true.
To put a fine point on it:
Yesterday, American swimmer Katie Ledecky became the most decorated American woman Olympic athlete of all time, after the American team took silver in the 4X200 free relay. If Riley Gaines hadn’t tied for fifth place with a trans swimmer in college and gotten real mad about it, Katie Ledecky … still would have become the most decorated American woman Olympic athlete of all time yesterday.
When somebody tried to bait Ledecky into the fight over trans athletes a couple months back, she responded with the politest version imaginable of “BRB I have to go swimming now, but good luck with whatever you’re doing and have a great summer!”
Point is, it’s remarkable how far from the medals podium these MAGA dipshit culture war tantrums over trans athletes are happening.
Meet Imane Khelif
Yesterday was quite a day for women in the Olympics overall.
On top of Ledecky’s amazing milestone, Simone Biles — the most decorated woman gymnast in US history — followed the gold medal she won alongside her team in the team final and continued her Redemption Tour by winning gold in the all-around individual final. She was, as usual, stunning. Afterward, she wore her goat necklace, because she is the G.O.A.T.
(100% guarantee there are deviant wackjob conservative Christians out there who read that as a secret message to Satan. They did it when Snoop wore one.)
And Biles still has events to come!
Lauren Scruggs became the first Black woman to win an individual fencing gold for America this past Sunday, and then yesterday she helped her team win its first ever gold in the event.
So of course the joyless degenerates at the Heritage Foundation — you know, the Project 2025 sugardaddies — had something to say:
Gaaaaaah, what fuckin’ weirdos. Literally just makes your skin crawl.
Instead of celebrating American success like all the normal Americans, the Heritage Foundation decided to participate in Thursday’s inconsolable MAGA Olympics pant-shitting tantrum over a women’s boxing match between an Algerian and an Italian.
As one does.
Imane Khelif is a cisgender woman and boxer from Algeria, where cisgender is really the only legal option, since living openly as a trans person is illegal. This is important context if you’re using deductive reasoning to answer a question like, “Would Algeria send a trans person to the Olympics?”
But it doesn’t matter, because Imane Khelif is not trans. She’s a biological woman who has a DSD (disorder of sex development), which can manifest with elevated testosterone levels and even the presence of XY chromosomes.
Yesterday, Khelif had a bout with Italian boxer Angela Carini, wherein Carini stopped 46 seconds in and forfeited, crying and complaining of intense pain in her nose. Afterward she made clear that she wasn’t making any kind of political statement.
But it didn’t matter, the anti-trans bigots were off to the races! If you were OK with what happened there — or if you didn’t particularly have an opinion on it — that meant you like it when MEN punch WOMEN in the FACE!
YOU MONSTER.
Again, Khelif is not even trans.
Khelif competed in the 2020 Olympics, and lost to a boxer from Ireland named Kellie Harrington. In 2023, though, Khelif and another boxer from Taiwan were banned from the World Championships after some sort of gender test results, working under the rules of the International Boxing Association (IBA), which have nothing to do with the International Olympics Committee’s (IOC) rules and testing requirements, which Khelif passed.
There are far more details here, and you can search the internet for them if you want to learn more, but literally none of it has anything to do with the delicate feelings of MAGA crybaby losers, America’s honorable mentions, along with their ideological confrères. This was just an excuse for those feral pigs to gang up on a woman for being different, for not being as dainty as they like, for not living up to their ideal for what a woman should be.
Again, Khelif is not even trans.
Surprise, look which vile asshole really got the ball rolling.
Riley Gaines, boxing expert, tweeted, “Men don’t belong in women’s sports #IStandWithAngelaCarini.” Elon Musk — who recently said his transgender child was dead, having been killed by the woke mind virus — retweeted it, saying “Absolutely.”
Limp dildo MAGA radio host Clay Travis from the MAGA fascist sports site OutKick — it will never not be amazing to me that that’s not a gay sports website — amplified a meltdown about it from human sunburn Pat McAfee, the ESPN host who until recently offered his show as a #SafeSpace for delusional anti-vax dickwit NFL player Aaron Rodgers to come in and babble about fuckall for hours every week.
All these assholes, screaming about how it’s TERRIBLE for MEN to do WOMEN’S SPORTS so they can PUNCH them in the FACE!
Again, Imane Khelif is not even trans. Imane Khelif has never at any point in her life not been considered a woman. She was born with a vagina. She’s won a lot of boxing matches. She’s also lost some boxing matches.
But that didn’t stop these absolute zeroes of humanity from inciting hatred against her. We hope and pray they aren’t successful in inciting violence.
None of these people is trying to protect women. The cruelty is the point, and to hurt people who they perceive as different. It’s to hurt people who are intersex, who have a DSD, and to in turn use those people as pawns for hurting trans people.
Again, instead of acting like non-sociopaths and cheering on America’s successes — and even the successes of athletes representing other countries if they want! — they chose to fixate on a boxing bout between an Algerian (they don’t know where that is) and an Italian (maybe some of them have been there with their church groups, wearing fanny packs).
Why? Because deep down, they know they’re vastly beneath literally every athlete at those Games, but in Khelif they saw an opportunity to make themselves feel superior again.
Oh, also because they’re fucking perverts and they’re obsessed with people’s genitals. Imane Khelif is not even transgender, but we swear we have seen these discards from God’s creation workshop on Twitter multiple times the past 24 hours, poring over photos of her shorts to try to imagine they see smoking gun penis bulges.
No, we’re not searching for examples, you’re going to have to trust us on that one.
Wait, Are We Still Fighting Over The Opening Ceremonies And How It Was Definitely A Satanic Drag Queen Dionysian Blasphemy Of The Lord’s Supper?
Yes, but wasn’t that eight weeks ago or so?
But dang, y’all, you want to talk about toddler-decibel meltdowns over things that have absolutely nothing to do with right-wing American MAGA Christian creepshows? Fuck.
The actual elements of the opening ceremonies — and the literally one split second that conservative fascist NPCs decided to fixate on — have been analyzed and analyzed and analyzed again. So we won’t delve into that here.
I think it’s funny, though, that those idiots hardly had breath left to bitch and moan about the absurdly cool “Liberté” section with the beheaded Marie Antoinettes and the death metal and the extended ménages à trois montage that happened in a (GASP!) library. (WHERE THE BOOKS ARE!)
We’re not saying they didn’t bitch about it. Just that their complaints about that were muted by their horror over the suggestion, real or imagined, that drag queens and gender-nonconforming people might have a place at Christ’s table.
OH MY GOD THAT FREAKOUT IS LITERALLY THE SAME FREAKOUT AS THE IMANE KHELIF FREAKOUT!
You’re catching on.
Weren’t They Supposed To Be Boycotting The Olympics After That?
They always promise us a good time, but they never come through.
Art Director Thomas Jolly issued the most non-pology apology possible to these creeps. He’s a queer dude himself, but he wasn’t trying to “mock” or “shock” with those opening ceremonies, he said. However:
“My will is to say we are an immense ‘we.’ In France, we have the right to love each other, as we want, with whoever we want, in France we have the right to believe and not to believe. In France, we have many rights.”
How you say “go fuck yourself” en français? (That’d be approximately Va te faire foutre. Don’t say y’ain’t never learned nothin’ of value at The Moral High Ground.)
What do you say to extraneous humans who are too puny, too garbage, too consumed by petty grievance politics, hate and professional victimhood to enjoy those opening ceremonies, which were, in the opinion of most experts (by which I mean me) the most epic, beautiful, fucking coolest opening ceremonies in the history of opening ceremonies?
What do you say to gutter rejects who are too consumed with rage because they think they saw a drag queen that they can’t ugly cry watching Céline Dion sing “Hymne à l'amour” with the rest of us decent people?
What you say is that if don’t like it, fucking get out. No, really. Excuse yourselves. If you can’t enjoy nice things, go the fuck away. No one involved with the Olympics will miss you needy whiners. Surely the athletes chasing their dreams don’t need your petty distractions.
Far too often, these people scream and wail about how they’re going to boycott this thing or that thing, but when nobody rushes after them begging them to stay, they sit back down and wait for their next opportunity to make a scene.
Disney Princess Theology? Meet Main Character Syndrome. (They’re the same thing.)
They can’t drink Bud Light because Bud Light acknowledged a trans woman’s existence once for five minutes.
They can’t have fun at Disney World because something something WOKE.
They can’t go to Target because it sometimes sells clothes they don’t personally like, during Pride.
Woe is them! Their children can’t watch the opening ceremonies anymore because it mocks Christianity! Blame France for denying those poor children that joy, said Kayleigh McEnany on Fox News.
Sorry, but those kids aren’t going to blame France. They’re going to remember what weird freaks their parents are/were, and they’re going to tell their friends stories about it for the rest of their lives.
LEAVE, LOSERS.
But they can’t, because then it won’t all be about them.
And if it’s not all about them, then they might have to confront the fact that in today’s world, nothing is about them.
Not really.
Cry about it, weep, gnash teeth, whatever.
Just don’t make normal people listen to it, because it really ain’t our fuckin’ problem.
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-Evan
It happens vanishingly rarely bc fuck those people, but sometimes I am able to rise above my visceral revulsion for these weirdos and actually feel sorry for them. This is one of those times. Like Evan, I've been watching a ton of the Olympics, but especially the swimming, diving and gymnastics, and the utter JOY it is bringing me, the awe, the admiration, the edge-of-my-seat-breath-holding WONDER of it all is so much damn fun. And them? All they feel is anger, meanness, contempt. I suppose those emotions could- bc they are so very twisted- bring them joy, but I actually doubt it. What miserable little lives they lead.
Oh my GOD I'm going to get back to the rest of the post but I had to come down here to say my piece about this trans shit because you guys. Possible medical TMI incoming but nothing too traumatizing.
Okay, so I (and a lot of women who were actually dactually AFAB and everything not that it is anyone's business) have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. It is really pretty common. And a thing about PCOS that is super shitty is that it can cause you to overproduce testosterone. So even if you don't get the (screechingly painful) ovarian cysts, you might still get some really fantastic side effects like weird body hair in places you would prefer it not be and super irregular wack periods and nuclear-grade acne. Things that, when you are a teenager, really make you even more self conscious than you already would be and want to change in another time zone from your peers. Things that ignoramuses might point at and say "secret trans?" and might even make you get a blood test and then find too much testosterone in your system and say "SECRET TRANS."
Now, I am So Old and also was a band nerd in school so nobody ever put me through that personally, but I have no doubt it happens now, and it is disgusting. These people are terrible. They don't in fact care about girls or women at all other than how we might be better controlled by them. Launch them all into the sun.
PS Trans women are women and trans rights are human rights in case that wasn't clear. A person shouldn't have to be potentially misgendered by idiots to support this but it certainly does put it front and center in your mind.