MAGA Men VERY MAD At Wives Secretly Voting For Kamala. Stop Laughing, It's Not Funny!

Oh no! Is somebody being DISOBEYED?

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OK, let’s laugh at these MAGA dudes who are MAD SO MAD.

It’s the last weekend before the most important U.S. presidential election in modern history, and the biggest Christian fascist MAGA losers in the country are hilariously angry.

You see, there’s been a push during this last week, from Michelle Obama, and from a couple of PAC ads, to remind people that what they do in the voting booth is secret, so if you are for any reason feeling intimidated by your friends, family or spouse, if you are feeling bullied into voting for Donald “Literally Hitler” Trump, nobody ever has to know what you really do in the voting booth.

Obviously it applies to everybody — George Clooney narrated one of the ads, which reminded dudes surrounded by garbage MAGA creeps that it’s OK if you don’t want to hurt your wife or daughters with your vote, you can vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz and you don’t have to tell your bros — but the primary target of the ads is white women married to white MAGA assholes.

Maybe they’ve always been cool to vote Republican before, but this year — this first presidential election after Dobbs, as the adjudicated rapist who caused that ruling is demanding to assault women again with his so-called “protection” whether they like it or not — something is just telling them that it would be sick and wrong to do that. But good Lord, they do not want to have that fight with their dear husband TaterSkin McRageDrunk about it.

Your vote is your business. Do what you want. And if you need to lie to your stupid, useless MAGA husband about it, fuck it. Lie to him the same way you lie when he asks if he’s ever given you an orgasm. Whatever.

They’re great ads. And as the great writer Rebecca Solnit noted on Facebook, part of what’s striking about them is that they just assume that this a demographic that exists. The white wife married to a shitty white conservative man — it’s a white people problem, mostly — who may or may not be afraid of her husband, who just might want to leave him one of these days, but for whatever reason hasn’t gotten to “go time” yet. Solnit included anecdotal tweets from canvassers who have witnessed versions of the phenomenon while knocking doors.

This writer personally witnessed a version of it a thousand times back in the day when I was in direct sales and dealt with many, many conservative women and couples. (Oh, the stories I could tell but won’t. But let me just tell you, I will never forget the number of upper-middle-class conservative husbands who humiliated their wives in front of me, for the crime of wanting to spend a few hundred bucks, or maybe even a thousand whole dollars, on something she wanted/needed.)

Yes, brothers and sisters in Christ, this is a real thing, and the voting booth is part of it.

And if you want to know how much of a thing it is, look no further than the MAGA loser men absolutely shitting their pants that these commercials are telling women out loud that it’s perfectly permissible to disobey their husbands and lie to their faces about it.

I cannot stop laughing at these impotent dicks.

Let’s Meet Some Of Them!

Easily the funniest meltdown over this comes from Fox News’s Jesse Watters, the only dude at the network who was smarmy enough to keep Tucker Carlson’s seat warm after Fox fired him.

This happened on “The Five,” though, in the afternoon, and there was a bit of performance art to it, since Jesse’s wife Emma DiGiovine is a producer there and was in full earshot. But that doesn’t make it any less weird and pathetic. (Also, there’s performance art to just about everything Jesse Watters does, he’s an attention whore.)

WATTERS: If I found out Emma was going into the voting booth and pulling the lever for Harris, that’s the same thing as having an affair!

Some on the panel laughed him. The weird big loser former wrestler guy Tyrus who is on Fox News for I have no idea what reason shouted “LET HIM FINISH!”

WATTERS: That, to me, violates the sanctity of our marriage!

The weird Tyrus guy agreed.

WATTERS: What else is she keeping from me? What else has she been lying about?

At least Jesse’s wearing his insecurities on his sleeve here. “Exactly!” responded Tyrus, modeling the same insecurities.

Judge Jeanine “Boxwine” Pirro interjected:

PIRRO: Why would she have to lie to you? Why would she lie to you? Have you threatened her? Why would she lie to you?

When you read the whole transcript, you learn a lot about exactly who these ads are targeting, and why. But we’ll get to that in a second.

WATTERS: Why would she do that and then vote Harris? Why would she say she was voting Trump, and I caught her, and then she said I lied to you for the last four years?

And I caught her, he said. Misbehaving. Disobeying.

During this part of Jesse’s rant, the Tyrus guy, telling us exactly who he is, protested that “HE’S NOT THE PROBLEM!” (Meaning Jesse.)

So that guy is a bumblefucking meathead of a walking red flag.

PIRRO: You intimidate her.

WATTERS: It’s OVER. Emma, that would be D-Day.

Pirro was like Oh my God, just rolling her eyes at the gross loser to her left, and for once I agree with her.

Now, please understand that on top of what an obvious dick-slit Jesse is, he started dating his current much-younger wife Emma while he was married to his first wife, Noelle, and that he proudly regaled his co-hosts on “The Five” with the story of how he lured Emma into his car by letting the air out of her tires. She was his employee at the time.

In other words, Jesse Watters is what windowless vans dress up as on Halloween.

So obviously that gives some really important color to Jesse’s tantrum here, over the hypothetical suggestion that his wife Emma might vote for Kamala Harris and lie to him. That he’d consider that tantamount to an affair.

And it leaves us to wonder which young Fox News staffer’s tires he might feel the need to deflate on his way to filing the papers for his latest divorce.

So that’s Jesse on “The Five.”

Here’s a clip from MSNBC’s “Deadline” with Nicolle Wallace, where they made fun of Turning Point USA’s crooked-faced dropout of a leader, Charlie Kirk, shitting his diaper about the ads to the perpetually unpleasant Megyn Kelly:

KIRK: She needs people to basically lie to their husbands, WHICH THEY ARE PROMOTING BY THE WAY! […] It is the EMBODIMENT of the DOWNFALL of the American family! I think it’s SO GROSS! I think it’s so, just, um, nauseating where this wife is wearing […] the American hat, she’s coming in, with her SWEET HUSBAND …

Hahahahahahahahaha.

KIRK: … who probably works his tail off to make sure she can go, you know, and have a nice life …

Hahahahahahahahaha.

KIRK: … and provides for the family, and then she lies to him saying “Oh yeah, I’m gonna vote for Trump” and then she votes for Kamala Harris as her “little secret” in the voting booth!

If there was performance art to Jesse Watters, Charlie Kirk was raw rage, the kind that only comes from being a total zero like Charlie Kirk, somebody with pretty much nothing real going for him, feeling so threatened that he has to go for podcast therapy with Megyn Kelly to blubber and sob about it.

Charlie sees this as an attack on “the American Family,” because he can’t conceive of a family where a woman might choose a man freely and absent of societal pressure, where spouses might be on the same page because they’re both intelligent, thinking people with agency, who are — to borrow some biblical language — actually equally yoked.

The tiny brain behind that permanently broken face — my personal belief is that his mom kept telling him his face would stick like that if he kept making it, but he didn’t believe her, and here we are — can only conceive of a situation where MAN is the provider and MAN is kind and sweet and DISOBEDIENT WOMAN dares to disobey the wishes of MAN, who is the HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD.

“I didn’t know there were men who still thought that women never faked anything,” responded Nicolle Wallace after playing the clip.

She then shared this tweet from Liz Cheney, which included the same video of Charlie’s inconsolable whining. “Listen to this twit make Donald Trump’s closing argument. Women, you know what to do. #VoteKamala”

These ridiculous MAGA men are so upset, and panicked, and frightened. (By the way, check out Charlie’s latest tantrum about this on his own show Friday. He’s just getting more and more upset, panicked and frightened.)

Remember the TheoBros? The performatively bearded guys who probably jack off to “The Handmaid’s Tale,” the ones I talked about recently in that article about the extremist Nazi fascist “Reformed” Christian white guys who are all crawling up J.D. Vance’s asshole trying to be his best friend if he, God forbid, ends up one 78-year-old Big Mac heartbeat away from the Oval Office?

Let's Meet J.D. Vance's Creepy Crawly Christian Fascist Friends!

One of my Wonkette colleagues collected a few of the TheoBros’ reactions to this in a piece yesterday, noting that those guys very seriously want the 19th Amendment repealed, which I also talked about in the J.D. Vance article. Remember, of course, that Vance wants (conservative white Christian) parents to have extra votes, so they can vote on behalf of their children, who may or may not actually grow up to be vile bigots like their parents. Most of the TheoBros, rather, want a situation where only landowning men can vote, where they cast a ballot on behalf of their household.

That post features a video from hate pastor Joel Webbon, who says repealing the 19th Amendment “is the Christian position,” and a bunch of rigamarole about divided houses that can’t stand. He advocates for a “family vote,” and says that “where women get their voice is from their father, their husband, if they’re not married it’s from their father, if they’re not married and their father’s dead, it’s from their brother, their uncle …”

Joel Webbon looks like this, for the record.

Yep, nobody’s ever faked anything with that guy, you betcha.

Here’s some more TheoBros:

Have you ever seen men more insecure in your life?

Some of the TheoBros would likely protest that their wives are also tweeting these things.

Yeah, dudes, we get it. You control them.

Moving on!

Remember John McEntee, the Project 2025 dork who worked for Trump’s White House, who made the dating app for unfuckable MAGA guys, and the TikToks where he says super cool and based things to show folks how hot it would be to date him, as he whines about his MAGA man grievances and chews his food with his mouth open? Here’s Johnny! (Saying that only men should be able to vote.)

Here’s adulterous human shithole Newt Gingrich and Sean Hannity, whining about the ads:

Gingrich, a super-adulterer and liar, cried that “these people are dishonest!” This is the “depth of their corruption!”

GINGRICH: Wives should lie to their husbands? Husbands should lie to their wives? I mean, what kind of a totally amoral, corrupt, sick system have the Democrats developed?

Gingrich went on to explain that this is why Robert F. Kennedy Jr. switched parties. You know, RFK Jr., who definitely doesn’t fuck 4,000 women who aren’t his wife all the time. He just couldn’t handle the Democrats’ dishonesty.

Stop laughing, these loser sons of bitches are serious, or at least they desperately want us to believe they are serious.

You Get The Idea.

As per Moral High Ground tradition, let’s point out the extreme terror and insecurity behind all this panic, which I’ve been alluding to throughout.

These ads aren’t threatening in the slightest to anyone in a truly strong and healthy marriage. Normal people in good marriages know it doesn’t apply to them.

They take direct aim at weak marriages, particularly of the MAGA conservative Christian variety. They take aim at marriages where one or both spouse desperately needs to pretend the marriage is strong, and desperately needs to project that into the world. And oh golly, the pressure to project a perfect image into the world is hardly more suffocating anywhere else besides the white conservative MAGA Christian universe. Imagine being a fundamentalist pastor or pastor’s wife. (These types don’t believe woman pastors exist.)

These men are furious about these ads because they expose the fundamental weakness in their worldview. They have set up a system where they believe they (and only they) have the strongest, most complementary marriages — not equal, but each playing their God-ordained roles — and they believe and project to society that this is the strongest and best and happiest way to make a marriage. (Pop quiz, which religious group has the highest divorce rate? Time’s up, it’s still white conservative evangelicals!)

These ads flick back and forth like raw nerves the truths that A) these perfect conservative Christian Father-Knows-Best marriages are often a facade, and B) everybody knows it. These ads say, “You’re a bunch of frauds, and we see you. Hey, wives, we see you. Blink twice if you need help, and by the way, here is a permission structure for voting for the candidate who isn’t a Nazi. He’ll never know.”

These men hear another terrifying possibility in these ads too, something that makes ‘em feel even more impotent: that if their very religious system didn’t in essence train their wives to be owned by men from birth, transferred as property to their husbands upon marriage, would their wives choose freely to be with them in the first place?

If their wives hadn’t been raised that way, or if they had escaped, would they have married, um, Charlie Kirk?

Yeah, this doesn’t target strong marriages. This targets the MAGA marriages where the spilling of one secret has the potential to breach a levee.

Fuck, if some of these couples started telling each other the truth about everything tomorrow, a lot of their marriages would end in an instant, especially once some of their husbands started coming out of the closet.

On That Note, Who’s Ready To TURN THE PAGE?

All of these dudes are freaking because the early vote is heavily weighted toward women, and they know what that could mean! Charlie Kirk is panicking on Twitter about it, telling men that if they don’t go vote, they’re going to have to listen to “Kamala’s voice cackling, forever.” (They never can hide how much they despise women even for one second.)

I mentioned above that there was a George Clooney ad assuring men that they don’t have to vote like their garbage MAGA friends, family and neighbors, that it’s OK not to want to use their vote to hurt their wives and daughters, and that it’s perfectly fine to lie to your MAGA bros about it. Fuck them.

Here’s one more hilarious one that’s also directed at men — this time, the single, straight guys.

It’s hilariously graphic for a political ad, because this straight couple is clearly having passionate sex. And then the condom breaks. It’s cool, she says. She’s got Plan B in the bathroom. Cool, he’s gonna go get that right now. In there, he meets his Republican congressman, who informs him Plan B’s not legal anymore, so let’s go tell that girl out there about how you’re about to be parents!

Daddy.

Straight single dudes? That could be you, if you do something fuckin’ stupid in the voting booth.

There’s a message for everybody in all these ads, and it’s that we don’t have to do this shit again.

Kamala Harris says it all the time, that we’re “not going back,” and that it’s time to “turn the page.”

Last night, during her rally in Reno, Nevada, she said it’s time to “turn the page on a decade of Donald Trump.” She said we can be “done with that,” because we’re all “exhausted by it.”

This is the election where we really can do that.

While I’m absolutely certain that if Trump loses on Tuesday, he will do everything he can to incite a new January 6 attack and mount a whole new coup, once he’s ultimately unsuccessful in stealing the election, is he really going to last until 2028? Will he flee the country to escape prosecution and imprisonment, now that the clock has suddenly been reset? Will his brain last until then? Don’t know. Don’t care.

But this is the election where we can fucking say STOP and have it mean something.

David Rothkopf wrote yesterday about what the end of the Trump era will actually feel like. What will it feel like to be free of this sick motherfucker who’s been holding this country hostage without its consent for almost a full decade of our lives?

God knows how many people have died early deaths because of sociopathic predator criminal Donald Trump’s actions over the last nine years. (And I’m not just talking about the pandemic response he completely skullfucked, or his abortion bans, or the way he’s incited the most hateful extremists in the country to violence.)

God knows how many health problems have been exacerbated, how many years have been shaved off how many lives, how much blood pressure medication we’ve consumed, how much sleep deprivation our bodies have endured.

God knows how many families have literally broken up because Donald Trump in his selfishness, greed and complete fucking loser’s lack of self-love felt the need to invade this country that day in 2015 when he waddled down the elevator and called Latino immigrants rapists, thus setting off goose-tingles in the deep anal abysses of conservative racist wannabe Nazi white men everywhere.

We could never look at them the same way again. People who had been friends, neighbors, parents, grandparents, who became captivated by this hustler and cult leader. He did that.

God knows how many families were physically separated by his Nazi immigration policies, which will never be reunited again.

This is the election where we can turn the page from all that, and actually begin to heal.

Trump is closing his campaign by having literal Nazi rallies and predator-splaining to women that he’s going to “protect” them “whether they like it or not.” His campaign is closing the Art of the Deal by reminding Puerto Rican voters that he thinks they’re literal garbage, and Puerto Rican voters are responding accordingly.

Because of Trump’s promise to assault women with his “protection” the other night, Gen Z voters who were too young to hear about the “Access Hollywood” tape in 2016 — likely their parents shielded them from it — are now hearing it for the first time and spreading it like wildfire on TikTok.

Meanwhile, MAGA voters online are flailing, chasing every laser pointer they find, trying to manufacture some kind of “basket of deplorables” moment to hurt Kamala Harris. So far they’re misquoting Joe Biden and accusing him of calling them garbage, and misquoting Mark Cuban and accusing him of calling all MAGA women weak and stupid.

Notably, neither of those guys is on the ballot.

Oh, and Trump’s staff is consoling him with Truck Day. MAGA is trying to project that Trump showing up in a garbage truck and wearing a garbage man costume for his Green Bay rally was the ultimate in lib-owning, but the truth is that Trump’s staff gives him Truck Day when he needs to be distracted and consoled.

Oh, and J.D. Vance is telling Joe Rogan that he thinks he and Trump are going to win the “normal gay guy vote.”

Bless his heart, does he think the guys he meets at Peter Thiel’s house are the “normal gay guy vote”?

Meanwhile, Kamala Harris is just out there being fierce and flawless and, you know, acting like a person who deserves to be the President of the Fucking United States.

All her speeches these days are bangers, but here’s her closing argument speech at the Ellipse, where she re-sanctified the hallowed ground Donald Trump desecrated on January 6, 2021. Watch it if you haven’t seen it yet, and let’s go win this goddamned thing on Tuesday.

[Watters video via Helena Hind / Gingrich via Acyn]

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