Trump's Lies About Haitians Are MAGA’s Sick Racist Version Of JD Vance Couch Jokes
These things are not the same.
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Now, I guess we have to talk about THEY’RE EATING THE CATS, THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS, THEY’RE EATING ALL THE PETS.
Let me be clear from the outset:
Donald Trump’s, J.D. Vance’s and their MAGA followers’ lies about Haitian immigrants in Ohio stealing and eating people’s beloved pets are vile, disgusting, sick, and dangerous.
It’s pure Nazi behavior — it’s blood libel — so it’s not at all surprising that these conspiracy theories really got going being spread by neo-Nazis, both in Springfield, Ohio, and online. It’s part of a long tradition of American white supremacists trying to convince average people to feel disgusted by same people they feel disgusted by, which is always some minority group of people who doesn’t conform to their ideas of whiteness or Christianity or heterosexuality or gender roles or what have you. They hope they can make normal people feel genocidal toward the people they feel genocidal toward.
The White House warned that these vile lies — gleefully spread by Trump during his universally laughed-at debate performance, and by Vance, who made it clear he doesn’t actually care if they’re true — could put innocent people in danger. (People who, it should be noted, are here entirely legally.)
On Thursday in Springfield, City Hall and other government buildings and a school had to be either evacuated or closed, due to bomb threats directly related to MAGA Nazis’ spreading of the lie.
This is extremely serious shit, of the most evil un-American sort.
But there’s another element of this that I haven’t seen many people talking about, namely that for many of these sick MAGA freaks, especially extremely online ones, this is their version of, and their retaliation for, the J.D. Vance couchfucker jokes.
In fact, I’d wager a few dollars that Vance himself sees it that way, at least in part. After all, out of everyone, he’s been the primary driver of this Two Minutes Hate campaign against innocent residents of the state he ostensibly represents in the Senate.
Uh Oh, J.D. Vance Is Having A Tantrum.
When Vance was confronted with the fact that the blood libel story he’s been selling was absolute bullshit, he sneered in response on Twitter at the notion that he should care. He blew right into lies and Hitlerian talking points, and lashed out some more at Haitian migrants, and at Kamala Harris.
After Trump’s embarrassing debate, Vance was in the spin room — along with Trump, bless their hearts, how pathetic — and he defiantly said that “no one has spread false claims,” and that people have said “that migrant community has caused a lot of problems.” (Wonder what he means by that! Probably just that they’re not white.)
How sick and dark and vile and yes, what a fucking Nazi.
But judging by the look on that defiant little boy’s hairy face, we think we sense something else, and that’s the defiant hairy face of a little boy who’s furious that the whole world continues to make jokes about him putting his penis inside a couch and grunting back and forth for however long that takes, probably three to five seconds, can’t imagine it’d be any more than that.
How Racist Conspiracy Theory Bullshit Becomes A Meme Becomes Word Vomit Coming Out Of Donald Trump’s Face
Over at Public Notice, Liz Dye (also of the excellent Law and Chaos Pod) does a fabulous job with the timeline of where this Haitians eating pets bullshit came from, starting with a fourth- or fifth-hand rumor in a local Facebook group, and by Monday being tweeted by such luminaries as Elon Musk, Charlie Kirk and Benny Johnson. (Whose bank account we bet is still just full of Kremlin bux!) Of course from there it went to Vance and then Trump yelling about it while Kamala Harris laughed at him.
Monday was when we started noticing all the memes on Twitter, from famous MAGA figures and from nobodies alike. All this AI bullshit of Trump surrounded by kittens, Trump in the water wearing a suit caressing kittens and geese, Trump being defended by kittens wielding automatic weapons, and more.
Liz includes a few examples, which we will borrow and put right here for your reference:
Yes, it’s vile and racist, especially that last one Nancy Mace (R-Confederacy) tweeted — and it’s super fucking weird, because these people are weird — but note that it’s also trolling.
Those tweets are from Mace, Donald Trump Jr., and Jim Jordan, who runs the House Judiciary Committee Twitter account. Powerful people, all.
And then there was Trump’s:
Do those tweets seem like they come from people who are actually alarmed and flying into action because they actually believe that Haitians are confiscating Whiskers and Bingo from the backyards of Springfield, Ohio, and cooking them up for dinner?
Or are those people who seem to be thoroughly enjoying themselves on the internet?
They Think This Is Payback For All The Couchfucky Vance Jokes
To be clear, with MAGA Republicans, it’s often difficult to discern where the line is between the people who know they’re spewing bullshit and the people who truly believe it. We believe with 100 percent certainty that many Republicans absolutely believe Haitians are eating house pets in Ohio, just like they believe children are identifying as “furries” and demanding to use litterboxes in elementary schools around the country, and all the other dumbass things they believe.
And it’s not just a matter of the powerful ones consciously lying to their followers. I absolutely believe Trump thinks this is happening, because he’s incredibly stupid, and as he protested to moderator David Muir during the debate, he saw it on TV.
But a bunch of ‘em just don’t care if it’s true, or they know it’s bullshit, and they don’t care.
When all the jokes about J.D. Vance fucking couches started, these MAGA losers flailed. They were stung and shocked and appalled that liberals were having a hell of a lot of fun making 10 million jokes an hour about Vance frequenting the backroom at Haverty’s, based on a tweet that was debunked literally as it was posted — because it was a fuckin’ joke from the beginning, and everybody knew it.
OH YEAH? They protested limply. WELL, UM .. TIM WALZ? UMMMMM, HE DRANK HORSE CUM! UM, YEP! THAT’S WHAT HE DID! TAKE THAT, LIBS!
They tried.
The libs, they were not owned, and it was because none of MAGA’s retaliatory “jokes” worked. The J.D. Vance fucking couches joke worked because he’s gross and creepy and pathetic and off-putting and because he’s a Stranger Danger of a man who’s obsessed with the genital activities of women he will never meet and who never want to meet him. He’s exactly the kind of conservative Christian fascist man you teach your kids to stay away from.
When we started seeing the memes MAGA trolls were posting, AI memes full of a far-more-dapper-than-reality Trump protecting the furry creatures like some kind of Jesus figure, it was clear to us that many of these people absolutely knew they were full of shit, and that they didn’t care.
They were posting the memes because they think this is just the same, because after all, the Democrats knew J.D. Vance didn’t actually rip the slipcovers off a bunch of couches, insert his penis into them forthwith and attempt to get them pregnant. They knew they were full of shit.
It’s revelatory of MAGA’s character that they think this is the same as that.
This involves pig-ignorant racism and Nazi tactics used against a minority group of innocent people, in a way that’s liable to incite some to commit violence against those people.
That involves furniture.
This involves punching down at people who have suffered needlessly, who are in this country (LEGALLY!) for a better life, using them as pawns for your hate, either because you really truly are a Nazi and you hate them that much, or just because you want to stick it to the libs, or both.
That involves punching up at J.D. Vance, Peter Thiel’s little Build-A-Bear Workshop project, who never earned a thing he currently has, and who is Donald Trump’s current sidepiece Republican vice-presidential nominee.
This could, again, get people killed, and is already putting people in danger.
That hurts nobody but the delicate sad little fee-fees of J.D. Vance.
Fuck him.
These people — MAGA nobodies and MAGA somebodies alike — have been gleefully sharing these memes all over Twitter and whatever other assholes of the internet they hang out in. They don’t care if it’s true or not. And J.D. Vance’s answers when he’s been cornered about it have shown that not only does he not care if it’s true, he doesn’t care angrily and resentfully.
And he absolutely doesn’t care if people get hurt.
Which Brings Us Back To Trump
Donald Trump has famously called immigrants “vermin,” one of his favorite Nazi tropes. He talks about immigrants “poisoning the blood” of this country, another Nazi hit he loves to sing at karaoke.
At his rally in Arizona last night, Trump seethed at “illegal Haitian migrants” taking over Springfield, Ohio. (Again, they’re here legally.) He acted like he was about to cry as he talked about how beautiful Springfield used to be. (When it was whiter, I reckon.) He said, “I’m angry about young American girls being raped and sodomized by savage criminal aliens,” and his feral livestock followers hooted and booed in response to Trump’s mashing of their rage buttons.
If he begs, borrows or steals his way into office again, Trump wants to use the National Guard to carry out mass deportations, and he says it will be “bloody.” He wants to round up immigrants and put them in camps beforehand. And he’s surrounded by people who idolize or at least defend Hitler, people eager to exonerate Hitler for the Holocaust. Stephen Miller wants red state national guards to invade blue states to round up their immigrants.
As Greg Sargent argues this week in The New Republic, even if Trump’s and his allies’ more dramatic wet dreams about Holocaust-ing immigrants didn’t come to pass, if he came into power again, we’d likely see a scenario where the government and its supporters work every day to make immigrants’ lives such a living hell that they end up bullied into leaving, especially by demonizing them and blaming them for everything that’s wrong with the world, real or imagined, subjecting them to violence and more.
This week has been a preview of but one dream these Hitlerian monsters have for Making America Great Again.
There’s One Thing We Can Laugh At Here, Though
After the debate the other night — after Trump made entire rooms of people bust out laughing at him when he started caterwauling like a loon about THEY’RE EATING THE CATS — it was the liberals who were posting the memes of Trump with the cats and the ducks and all the rest. And many of them were the same memes.
But suddenly they were funny. And then thousands of new memes and jokes were born, and they were funny.
One guy even made a video of Trump yelling during the debate perfectly lined up with the “Peanuts” theme song, because obviously:
I fall out laughing every time.
The MAGA memes were stupid and pathetic and sad, but the same memes from the liberals took on a new meaning. And suddenly there were “Simpsons” memes, because Springfield. And Alf was everywhere. Facebook was just one hilarious animal picture after another in the hours after the debate.
(It of course did not hurt that about 25 minutes after the debate, Childless Cat Lady Taylor Swift dropped her endorsement of the Harris/Walz ticket, replete with a regal pic of her with her cat.)
You see, the joke had been turned right side up. The MAGA version punches down, intentionally trying to inflict pain and suffering on innocent people. After the debate, it became our joke, and the joke was Donald Trump screaming THEY’RE EATING THE CATS! and the rest of the world’s collective reaction to that, which was “Holy shit what the fuck did that senile old man just say?”
Now it was funny. Now it was punching up, at the fucking xenophobic Nazi creep who wants to destroy this country, and his little cushion-humping dog too. (Allegedly!)
(UPDATE: Although, considering how things are going for actual people in Springfield, it’s probably past time to cool it with the memes and jokes. Just saying. The moment has passed.)
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They don’t understand humor that isn’t cruel. They can never laugh with somebody, only at somebody. And if someone dares laugh at them - I think we all know the Margaret Atwood quote.
Is it just me or, do all these beefcake photos of Trump fairly scream LATENT HOMOSEXUALITY?