Why Are White MAGA Weenuses So Scared Of Jasmine Crockett? Here's Why.

Bless their mediocre little hearts.

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And now we’ll talk about Jasmine Crockett.

screengrab, Jasmine Crockett doing Kendrick Lamar before Donald Trump’s Hitler address to Congress

This week, let’s talk about one of the heroes of the anti-Trump opposition, one of the leaders who’s actually showing up and showing people how it’s done, and terrifying the fuck out of Donald Trump and his white MAGA Nazi fascists in the process.

I’m of course talking about Jasmine Crockett, Democratic congresswoman from Texas, specifically Dallas. Have you noticed she’s the subject of right-wing manufactured outrage every week now, for some new terribly egregious offense she has committed against their delicate sensibilities?

We wonder why they don’t like her. Trying to put our finger on it.

Is it because she’s a powerful, brilliant Black woman who isn’t remotely intimidated by these white racist fascist MAGA motherfuckers, who also happens to be smarter than each and every one of them?

Well, yes, but it’s even more than that!

Why are they so mad at Jasmine Crockett?

This week, Attorney General Nazi Barbie Pam Bondi has been all over the TV, with all the gravitas of Michele in Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion declaring that she invented Post-Its, that Crockett better “tread very carefully” with calling for peaceful protests against Elon Musk and Tesla. OR ELSE.

Bondi has claimed that people are using “weapons of mass destruction” against Teslas, and she is just pretty sure that Jasmine Crockett is a prime instigator of all this #TeslaTakedown business. “You have this Congresswoman Crockett who is calling for attacks on Elon Musk on her birthday. ‘Let’s take him out on my birthday,’ she says. Yet she turns and says ‘Oh, I’m not calling for violence,’” she complained to serious journalist Maria Bartiromo on the Fox Business Network, where business is discussed. “Well she is an elected public official, and so she needs to tread very carefully because nothing will happen to Elon Musk, and we’re going to fight to protect all of the Tesla owners throughout this country.”

Okeydoke. Has Crockett been calling for violence against Musk, or Tesla dealerships? Of course not. Would she be mad if we laughed at a Cybertruck driving by and made jokes amongst ourselves about what a loser probably is driving it? Probably not. But no violence.

Also, any idiot knows, or can figure out — maybe even Pam Bondi! — that the Tesla protests are called #TeslaTakedown and that they’re entirely peaceful. You either have to be extremely stupid or a lying scumbag — or both, like maybe even Pam Bondi! — to believe differently.

As my former Wonkette colleague Liz Dye details ably at the Public Notice newsletter this week, Bartiromo was just one stop on Bondi’s tour of ridiculous media appearances this week trying to scare Crockett. She was on “Hannity” this week, bellyaching that Crockett must “apologize immediately, not only to all Texans, but to our country, to the American shareholders of Tesla, because she is promoting violence." (Apparently some shit happened at a Tesla dealership in Austin. It had nothing to do with Jasmine Crockett.)

At the end of the “Hannity” clip, Bondi also faked outrage over Crockett supposedly inciting violence against beloved senator Ted Cruz when she said that for Democrats to win races in Texas, “this dude has to be knocked over the head, like hard, right? Like there is no niceties with him. Like at all. Like you go clean off on him." In context, any fucking moron — even Pam Bondi maybe! — could tell that she was talking in the context of political races, about being willing to punch your opponents hard.

MAGA, whose leader Donald Trump has throughout his political career incited violence against racial minorities, journalists, the US Capitol and more, can spare us the fucking whiny-ass histrionics.

Of course, as Liz Dye notes, Jasmine Crockett has said repeatedly that she’s not advocating violence, like this past weekend on MSNBC, when she told Alex Witt, “Tesla’s tanking right now, and I’m okay with that,” but added that “Just in case the slow people listening try to clip this later, I just want to say that I have never promoted violence whatsoever.” She also said maybe people who have problems with political violence shouldn’t have pardoned 1,500 MAGA terrorists for their actions to help Donald Trump overturn the 2020 election on January 6. She was just saying!

And she said more! It’s a great interview, enjoy it if you haven’t seen it:

Let’s see, what else are they mad at Jasmine Crockett about? Oh just everything.

She called Texas’s Greg Abbott “Governor Hot Wheels” at the Human Rights Campaign gala. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that. She says she wasn’t talking about his disability, but rather his “planes, trains, and automobiles he used to transfer migrants into communities led by Black mayors, deliberately stoking tension and fear among the most vulnerable.” Of course, Greg Abbott is a sadistic monster, and we’re not going to spend a lot of time worrying about the feelings of people who are obsessed with hurting trans kids and filling the Rio Grande with murder buoys to slice up migrant human beings.

Of course, you know who really makes fun of disabled people?

Again, miss us with your fake outrage and your crocodile tears, MAGA.

OK, why are they REALLY so mad at Jasmine Crockett?

Because on top of being a Black woman who doesn’t respect them, and on top of being a Black woman who is smarter than them, she has their fuckin’ number, and she knows it, and they know it.

This week in an interview with The 19th, Crockett mocked the stupid, prurient Republican MAGA Nazi obsession with transgender kids playing sports, saying that according to Republicans, “That is the biggest issue that we’ve had. Since when? Since when? Find the little trans child that is ruining your life. I mean, I’m just like, what are we doing? Like, what are we doing?”

That’s one example.

Let’s talk about how Crockett explains the white Republican obsession with eliminating DEI. In a congressional hearing before the election, she said, “This election is the best example of why y’all are so afraid of [DEI] because then you can’t have a simple-minded, under-qualified white man. […] You’ve got to pay attention to the qualified Black woman that is on the other side.”

On February 3 on CNN, Crockett discussed the white supremacist in the White House and the rampant coddling of mediocre white nationalist MAGA boys:

“I am tired of the white tears. Listen, if you are competent, you are not concerned. […] I had to work 10 times as hard as they did just to get into the seat. When you look and you compare me to Marjorie Taylor Greene or me to Lauren Boebert, there is no comparison. And that is the life that we have always lived.”

“So, the only people that are crying are the mediocre white boys that have been beaten out by people that historically have had to work so much harder.”

Yep, that’s why they hate her right there.

If you are competent, you are not concerned.

You see, Jasmine Crockett understands something about this white conservative MAGA obsession with DEI that MAGA buffoons and Nazis are desperate to avoid confronting. Every time you see a white Trump-supporting man babbling about bringing back “merit,” the fantasy he’s openly masturbating to is that if only all the DEI programs go away, if only affirmative action goes away, if only they can get back to “merit” and that one MLK Jr. quote they like about “not the color of your skin but the content of your character,” THEN order will be restored and white conservative Christian men will start to naturally float to the top again, where they belong.

Jasmine Crockett knows that fantasy is some fuckin’ bullshit.

She knows that DEI doesn’t put women, LGBTQ+ people and racial minorities in jobs they’re not qualified for, but rather that it makes it less likely that extremely mediocre white Christian conservative men will get positions they’re totally not cut out for, positions they have not earned, positions they’re far too stupid to fill.

Fuck, look at Pete Hegseth and Mike Waltz and the rest of the Signal-Gate dumbfucks and tell us about all the brilliant talent America’s been missing out on.

DEI is all about merit. It’s all about — for instance — making sure dumbfuck good old boy frat boys and date rapists from SEC schools who aren’t qualified to pick up Jasmine Crockett’s dry-cleaning don’t get all the high-powered jobs, when far more capable people are willing, available, and more deserving.

Jasmine Crockett knows that good DEI policies help expose the secret that white conservative men never really were impressive people in the first place. They never got where they are because they were creative or clever or had something to offer that nobody else had. They stole it, and then let themselves believe they earned it, that their talent and their bootstraps got them there.

The only people crying are the mediocre white boys.

Yep, that’s why they hate her.

Speaking of extremely mediocre white men who hate Jasmine Crockett!

Have y’all ever heard of Todd Starnes? This is Todd Starnes:

Screengrab from video of a #TeslaTakedown protest in Memphis last week

We don’t want to get into the weeds here, but Todd Starnes is this creepy weenus MAGA radio guy who’s been around forever. He used to be a lot more famous, had a Fox News gig and everything, but then he lost it, we guess because he’s not all that compelling. (NOT direct out of central casting like Donald Trump likes.)

Back in 2015, he said some really thirsty things about Donald Trump’s penis. “Americans want leaders with man-parts big enough to do the right thing,” he said, about abortion. Okeydoke.

If you’ve been reading the internet for a long time, there used to be a longrunning joke about him liking to drink his own pee. But again, he’s not that famous anymore, so …

Anyway, Todd Starnes is from Memphis, where I live, and he broadcasts his sad little sniveling MAGA bitch version of Dead Rush Limbaugh’s radio show from his studios there. (Wanna see Starnes in action? He showed up at the Memphis #TeslaTakedown protest last week. Here’s video, from which the above screengrab came. He’s the dumpy crybaby one in the blue jacket whining about “domestic terrorism.”)

Reason I bring up that complete dork is that I entirely by accident stumbled upon his show a couple weeks back, and found that he had devoted significant time one day recently to the REVELATION! that — as his titled that day’s show — “Jasmine Crockett is no gangsta.”

OH REALLY? Tell us more, Todd Starnes!

You see, Starnes had done a deep journalistic dive into Jasmine Crockett, and he concluded that she is faking being “ghetto.” He said she wants everyone to believe she is a “she-thug,” that she had to “pass by the pimps and hos on the way to SKROOL” when she was young, but that she overcame the adversity to get where she is, yadda yadda yadda.

Yes, Todd Starnes pronounced it “SKROOL.”

But his big reveal — the big gotcha! — was that Crockett grew up in St. Louis, the child of a pastor, and grew up in a nice house, and went to an “exclusive day school” there. But not just that! She then “drags her sorry butt down the Mississippi River to do her undergraduate at Rhodes College,” and yes, that’s how this white pig person described this Black woman coming from St. Louis to Memphis to college.

You see, Rhodes is a private school too. A really good and expensive one! (Your Moral High Ground proprietor spent many hours there taking piano lessons as a youth!)

Jasmine Crockett “wants you to think she’s a street thug,” said Starnes. “She’s talkin’ all ghetto! She’s talking like a rap artist!”

I don’t know exactly which clips of Crockett talking that had Starnes so exercised, and frankly I don’t give a fuck. But he inadvertently revealed something here, another deeper psychological reason for a thoroughly mediocre white conservative to hate Crockett.

You see, it’s likely that in Starnes’s mind, if not in reality, that day school in St. Louis and Rhodes College are white spaces. Indeed, to that type of mediocre conservative white racist, they are private white spaces. If you went to certain types of private schools, especially in the South — and I did — you know this type of mediocre white conservative racist well. You also know how they regard Black students in their midst.

In those white men’s minds, there’s a tacit bargain involved. “Fine, you’re here. I expect that you’re one of the good ones. One of the articulate ones. And I trust that you will believe like us and worship like us and speak like us and grow up to vote like us and be sufficiently grateful for the opportunity to be in our spaces.”

So when somebody like Jasmine Crockett grows up comfortably and excels in great schools, and then grows up to not only not conform to the beliefs of white men like Todd Starnes, but would even spend her time calling those goddamned motherfuckers out for what they really are? That she would mock them? That she would still feel free to be the proud Black woman she is, talking in ways that scare and offend little pissboys like Todd Starnes? (White racists really, really, really don’t understand it when Black people speak in different ways, depending on to whom they are speaking. They literally think code-switching is fraud.)

What Starnes is saying here — it’s a sentiment we’ve been confronting a lot lately — is that she didn’t say “thank you.”

And it makes him and people like him extremely angry.

For the record, Starnes hasn’t let up on his Crockett obsession. His Tuesday show was called “Crockett Threatens Cruz, Mocks Governor in Wheelchair.” On March 20 it was “Jasmine Crockett Needs to be Arrested for Domestic Terrorism.” Why? Oh who gives a shit, but it was another one of those things where Republicans pretend they don’t understand extremely common expressions. Something about bringing knives to a gun fight, blah blah.

Again, I don’t give a shit.

We’ll let the congresswoman have the last word. And the last dance.

This was before Donald Trump’s little Hitler speech to Congress:

And this was after Donald Trump’s little Hitler speech to Congress:

Oh no, she said “slap me and wake me the fuck up.” Was Jasmine Crockett inciting violence against herselfffffffffff?

Anyway, Jasmine Crockett is fucking great, and this has been a newsletter about why she really upsets these little MAGA racist dipshits so much.

The end.

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